Have you ever really wondered what type of diver are you? Read the description of some types of divers and will know which one fits you best! Of course you shouldn’t take to heart anything you read because this is basically a fun description given through exaggeration and large amounts of truth at the same time. Let’s have some fun… That’s never hurted anyone!
Old school diver
You started diving right after dinosaurs went extinct, when basically no one knew anything about diving and you started everything. If it weren’t for you we would have never been able to come close to diving. You used to dive to places that we never knew existed and of course you will never share where they are because how can we be worthy enough to visit places like that. You have broken every rule there is, simply because there were no rules then. And to make a long story short a night of your life is our whole life! Apparently not worth your time!
You find everything you see underwater endlessly cute! You HAVE to know all the kinds of fish that crossed your path at any given time during any dive and of course you will ask your dive guide the one fish he has no idea about! First thing you do as soon as you enter a dive center is to chech their book of local fish and plants. If there isn’t one, then you are definitely in a inferior dive center non ecological and most definitely a place that exploits nature to say the least.
If it’s not deep it’s not worth it. No fish or any kind of living thing? Does not matter. The important thing is that you got to go to 40m. Besides how else are you going to show a picture of your dive computer showing 40 tomorrow on the social media? During any shallow dives your only thought is; why didn’t I bring my excavator to gain some depth? No nitrogen narcosis or deco stop? Where is the meaning in life then?
You have the biggest dive computer that has ever existed and it has the size of a tablet! Not to mention that it is the best one, since it has maps, compass, alien life detector and video games in case you get bored underwater. You got it on day one, right after your DSD. All of your diving gear is state-of-the-art which of course gets renewed the latest after a year. Even your noise-maker is digital because, why waste energy shaking your hand? I mean JESUS!
Top fashion icon diver
Your mask doesn’t match your fins? Well that is reason enough for you to stop diving immediately. Looks is all we have in this life, do I need to go on? I am not going to put on just anything! I mean PLEASE! Colors give life and even if you have to settle for a mere all black look which by the way is trés chich to say the least, if you really think about it. Your dive computer has to change its cover color depending on the color of your flip-flops, swim suit, towel! Your main question is what’s with all the black in this diving thing? Where is a bright yellow wet suit so that we can finally make a difference?
You know you will see almost nothing of your dive but…that’s ok because later on when you are processing all the pictures you will enjoy your dive! It is not about the moment, simply because digital processing can work miracles! Before each dive maybe you spend like a couple of hours to set up, adjust and polish and of course admire your thousands of euros photographic gear which can take up to at least have a boat to carry to the water, including the lighting, but at the end of the day that is exactly what is relaxing about diving even more than diving itself. You will always be the last one during a dive and everyone else will be waiting for you ready to commit suicide but getting the right angle of a sea slug is everything in this life! Besides, who knows the next cover of National Geographic can be right around the corner!
You were definitely to the special arm forces or some other distinctive place in the army and that is where you were taught how to dive! You have nothing to do with all these wanna-be divers that think they can call themselves capable of diving simply because they have seen an octopus or a big crab when you had to go through all that harsh training! You will turn off your buddy’s air supply just to check if he is up to it and if that’s not enough kick the regulator off of his mouth and that will teach him a thing or two! And you know, if you feel like it you may turn off your own air supply after you have taken your whole gear off simply to perform a triple tsukahara because that is what we do people! You know they can only be half the diver you are!
Probably one of the few that still enjoys the dive tables. You are only happy when you have at least 3 to 5 bottles on you. And then you thing, will it be enough? If you want stay a bit more? There is nothing for you on the surface anyway! Diving is a very serious business and why not after all? It’s not that important if you have only participated in a rec fun dive, a guide line is absolutely necessary to say the least and of course a underwater flash light, well… make that two just to be sure! Can you handle all the fun, minutes before entering the water? The approximately two tones gear that you carry in that steep slope not really important, that is what doctors are for after all. As soon as you hit the water, praise the Lord, everything will be peachy, no biggy!
Interior designer diver
Truth is that this starfish is the perfect touch in your guest bathroom! And you know what else? All these seashells are dead, so why not take them? You know its for the best, you clean the place a bit! Maybe other fish step on them and you know hurt themselves, we can’t have that! The ashtrays you will make from the seashells will be like nothing else and to top it off just a pinch of sand in your BCD’s pocket is the perfect addition. Besides, isn’t that the reason that your BCD has such big pockets on the side? Don’t forget after you have finished diving on a tropical island you HAVE to have at least a couple of water bottles of sand for your latest sea creations, yes of course the big ones! What are you talking about look how much sand this beach has!
The right diver
Yes, that will teach them! Keep going! What about that other thing! That’s not a simple thing! I mean what better way to do this than to follow this rule and do exactly as I am telling you! It’s a good thing that you mentioned this one more time because the first 452 I wasn’t really paying attention! Where there’s a will, there’s a way, time is money, every cloud has its silver lining, least said sooner mended, eat your own dog food and so many other sayings and philosophies that govern your life! It’s in your nature to teach, to enlighten, to give wisdom, besides it was just a coincidence that your major wasn’t in academia and/or philosophy, so why waste all this talent? Already everyone is asking for your advice! Maybe the right thing to do is become a Divemaster? You have the theoretical part ready!
Now, be honest, how many of these divers have you met? We are all in there somewhere in between right?
Did I forget anyone?